Ohaiyo 6 Uproar in Tenkai!
by Taka and Keichirou
Summary: /one-shot/ (co-written by Nataku Taishi) the fighting gods are mad and ready to kill! will Tenkai survive? hahahahaha


Ohaiyo 6 Uproar in Tenkai!

By Sukunami Taka, co-written with Nataku Taishi

Kei: Oi! (points stabbingly at Nataku's name) what is that?

Taka: can't you read? Na-Ta-Ku…..

Kei: I see that! What's it doing here?!?  
Taka: again, can't you read? Co-written…….

Kei: what are you doing with a new co-writer?!? What happened to me?!?

Taka: it's not like you care…..you cringe everytime I suggest a new co-written project, you're slow in contributing (starts counting fingers), you always change everything I write…..

Kei, starting to bubble in rage: Fine! Fine! Fine!

With that, he stalked off with a face the color of a beet-root. Taka sighed, seemingly not to care while smiling sheepishly at the waiting Nataku…..then, thinking better of it, runs after his stormy friend to comfort him. Nataku shrugged, using his great big Heavenly Sword as a back-scratcher, and beamed: Enjoy, miinasan……hehehe……..

Scented wind, scattering clear blue petals of forget-me-nots, ruffled through an endless field of begonias and buttercups, winding its way pass daisies and petunias…….

__

Woeful wind, always with memories, if only you could bring death……

Strands of raven hair brushed across pale cheeks, a golden eye opened to nothing while slender fingers rubbed a stranded blossom, finally crushing it to mere carmine dust as surrendered sighs escaped from cut lips. Two willowy figures leapt up in surprise from hearing one another. They stood, suave and dignified in the middle of a sea of glass-like waving flowers, one swabbed in snug bandages and overflowing robe, the other protected under a blanket-like overcoat. One in chromium-binded steel shackles, the other encased in invisible chains, one forced to kill to live, the other to kill or die….both robbed of their will, heretics just by being born………..both shedding tears that they thought no one could see………

The taller nodded, acknowledging the other's status, "Toushin Nataku Taishi-sama…" and turned to leave, but a desperate hand reached out, grabbing the coat, "Homura! Matte……" 

The apostate child left to the hands of death, now grown a man, turned haltingly, "Narni….?" 

The boy fighting god grinned in rare good humor, his burdened head tilted slightly , "Iya……demo, there's plenty of space for the two of us….if there's one thing that Tenkai is good for, it's plenty of isolated space!"

Unintentionally, the constantly brooding Homura laughed outright…stopping quickly after a moment of checked composure, only to meet the widely beaming face of Nataku, which sank down as the boy folded his legs under him. He glanced up, "Got any sake? They don't let me have any….."

Homura did not have to ask who 'they' were to know, but he shook his head, "I don't drink…."

" Eh…? Sou…..you should try it….but then, I don't drink all that much anyway….." he sighed.

Homura, feeling a little out of place, absently rubbed one shoe behind the other, as the calming breeze wrapped itself around him, and the two tolerated each other's brother-like presence in silence. After a while….

"Kirrai-des……"

"Eh?"

"Kirrai-des…" uttered Nataku, not looking at him, " Kirrai hontorni……Kami-sama no Tenkai…..hontorni….." his jaw clamped tight for a reason he does not know, then the full golden stare turned on Homura, "Don't you?!? Kirrai anatawa Tenkai ka?! Da ka??!!!"

Homura's hand clenched, nails digging into flesh until drops of red jeweled blood dripped onto the soil…….

Nataku rose, swinging a meter-long glowing sword upon his slight shoulder. His voluminous amber eyes locked upon the slanted ones of Homura, who responded with a resolved smile…….they knew what they had to do……..and strided towards Amaterasu's Hall.

---

" Are too!!"

"Am not!!"

" Are too!!!"

"Am not!! You blasted scar-faced cretin!!"

" You no eyed anorexic fe-MALE!!!"

"Am NOT!!!!!"

"Are too!!!!"

"A…..arre…Nataku-sama!" Shien, First General of Tenkai Fourth Heavenly Army, immediately went on one knee as a sign of respect to the fighting god, whose sable eyebrows were raised. Zeon snickered before calling out, "Homura! What's going on?!"

Homura glanced over at Nataku and responded in a deep voice, "Paying a visit to Kami-sama…."

"Oh?" Zeon's one good eye flickered to the boy and he grinned broadly, "A visit…..Shien! Iko!"

"What?!"

"We're visiting Kami-sama! Come, Homura!!" Jovial to the core, Zeon pulled Homura and Nataku along, leaving a flabbergasted Shien to run after them…….

Within the majestic glory that is the overdone meeting hall of Tenkai, the solemn Kami-sama surveyed the four deities (if you can call them that) standing before him: the heretic fighting god Nataku Taishi, the bastard son Homura Tenjin, the subservient Shien and the niingyen wannabe Zeon.

"Nani?" boomed Kami-sama.

Nataku grinned, "Iya, iya….I just wanted to tell you that your over-stubbly nose-haired face is annoying the crap out of me…."

"NANI!!????" The supposedly Creator of All nearly toppled from his rock seat, still haven't forgotten what had happened the last time……his voice rasping, he snarled through gritted teeth, "I am going to pretend that I didn't hear that, Nataku Taishi…… I know that you are tired from your last mission, so why don't you return to your room….."

"You don't have to pretend, you already have bad hearing…..not to mention, bad eyesight, bad body odour, bad memory, bad breath…..let's see…how bad do thee suck, let me count the ways….."

"NATAKU!!! You debilitated puny belial fish-stick! Get out!!"

"Hah! Make me, you overgrown ingrown toenail!! You can't even hurt a fly!! Not like you haven't tried..but guess what?? You FAILED!!!!"

Right now, the other three is leaning backwards and thoroughly having a great time witnessing this fiasco while the Tenkai guards and attendants watched with open mouths (as usual) and bent legs that were ready to run at first sight of thrown objects (another common appearance that occurs during any encounter with Nataku…)

"I'll have you know that I, successfully I might add, manage the whole of Tenkai!!!!"

"You might add, but can you? You dimwitted camel-faced absolutely-NOT-honorable dictatorial disturbance!!! And about Tenkai?!? It's a useless piece of fallible government body that I bet, no, no…I KNOW!!! Would collapse right under your overstuffed nose with just a snap of my fingers!!!!"

"ACK!! I'll like to see you try!! You meager slug slush!!!"

" WATCH AND LEARN!!! You deranged psychotic hysteria make-you-cry-like-a-girl plasmodium carrier!!"

Nataku swiveled past Homura and flashed a hidden smile, "Your turn, kid…….don't disappoint me …."

Homura chuckled, "I'm no kid……yo, Kami-sama, you worthless slimeball of a despotic autocrat!!!"

"HAHAHAHA! Excellent , Homura…let me try…..you mulish floundering flummox!! HAHAHAHA!!"

"Ne, Zeon…you shouldn't do that….demo, how about…….you puckered-like-a-lemon venal irrefutably-pompous hyena!?!?!?!"

"HOMURA! ZEON! SHIEN! You desecration pieces of sorry excuses of paltry existences!!!!!

"You over sinless vile odious insignia of vomitable irascibility!!!!"

"You dyepeptic menial never-ruffled-until-one-day-you'll-turn-into-stone-then-I'll-be-glad-to-chip-you-into-a-million-pebbles-bit-by-bit-with-a-chisel whippersnapper!!"

"Incorrigible….."

"I'll kill you!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA……."

---

Looming over a grass veld where the entire Tenkai Army was on standby, Nataku Taishi, the boy deity, licked his lips…..the wind blowing the skirt of his robe forward. Picking up his sword, he braced it against one shoulder and called out, "Time for some fun, Tenkai!!"

Every young-faced soldier looked up, attracting the attention of a certain lizard-like High General. Laughing, Nataku leered at him, "Hojun! You pallid dragon wannabe!! Why don't you go dunk your head and let your gills get some water?!?"

"Get lost, Nataku! Don't you look for trouble here!"

" What's the matter, you fishified chalk-like locust!!"

"You dinky smear of human excreta!! Come here and dribble your trash, why don't you!!!???"

"Be glad too…." He snapped his fingers together and muttered, "Don't say I didn't mean my word…" Raising his sword, he pushed forward in a flurry, "Let's play!!!!"

---

In the slightly less violent hall of Kami-sama, the Almighty was not exactly having such a good time….

"You embitter illicit pestilence-that-never-leave redundance!!"

"You churlish so-NOT-delightful-to-have-around piece of lipids!!"

"You over pining deserve-to-be-stabbed-for-infinity-then-200-years-more plague infested rat!!"

"You tottering why-don't-you-actually-totter-over-in-heart-failure-if-you-actually-have-a-heart worm in an apple!!"

"you bestial think-you-are-god's-gift ill divined soul!!"

Meanwhile, Zeon was firing 500 hundred bullets per minute with Shien happily cracking his electric whips around at everything that wasn't bolted down within a 20-mile radius, and every fear-stricken drudges were wondering whether to pray upwards, downwards or in front of them…

---

In the earth torn, grass patches flying left and right, field, Nataku was leaving behind him in a trail of groaning military men with every slash of his sword, "Come on!! Hey you!! Come back!! You can't run away!!" He dashed ferociously after the aforesaid soldier, caught trying to slink away…

"Hey Hojun! Control your men!! They are trying to leave!!"

"Tacho!!"

"Tacho? Hey, Hojun….wrong language…that's korean!!"

"Would you prefer sao seng then, Nataku-sama??!!" came the over-sweetened reply.

"Chinese? Well, so nice of you, but Japanese would do fine…"

"Then, URUSAI!!!!"

"No can do, my liver-look-a-like lisping cholera!!"

"Why me?!? Why! Why?!? Stop right there, you truculent crab cake with ghastly calamity of a fighting god!!"

"You are certainly feeling generous today, you over-stomping white golliwog!!! Hey!!"

A soldier with the unfortunate rather than fortunate luck, had managed to bash Nataku on the head. His return was a full body cut upwards, topped with a kick in the 'ahem' area……..while Hojun slided under , tripping Nataku over and punching him in the eye……

---

"You fossilized chauvinistic covering-your-corporate-butt liable-to-get-killed-to-put-YOU-into-prison-then-killing-YOU-in prison manure!!"

"What is your f****** problem, you over-provoking cess-pool-with-so-much-malignant-puke-that-I-keep-hurling-up son of a cudgel!!!"

" What is MY problem??!! MY???!!! MY ENTIRE FUTURE LIES IN THE WASTED HAND OF A SORRY TO SAY BUT DECAYING OLD MAN WHO DON'T KNOW WHO I AM NOR GIVE A HOOT OF WHAT I AM DOING OR WHERE I AM GOING AND YOU ARE ASKING ME WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!????" Homura shot back with a ready-to-kill stare.

Kami-sama's nose dilated as he suddenly leapt onto his feet, his face an ugly mixture of red and violet because of anger, shame and pride. He looked indignantly at the heretical god standing before him, taking on the shackled hands, silken robe and eternally youthful face.

"I'm telling you, Homura." Kami-sama spoke, his voice trembling with suppressed rage. "Get out of my sight before—"

"Before what?" Homura snapped, defiantly planting his hands on his hips. "Before you kick me out and throw me into some other prison with rats and water dripping on my head? Isn't that more rewarding if you go there yourself? Who else deserve imprisonment here in Heaven other than you, you stupid old git!"

One of Kami-sama's bodyguards steps out. "Watch your word, _itan_!"

Homura summons his sword. "Oh, you wanna fight? Come on and I'll kill you right here!"

Somewhere from the outside, an injured Nataku peeks at the door, with great difficulty because one of his eyes was plastered off with large gauze held in place by those white strips of sticky material. The little kid observed intently as Homura taunted the "stupid old fag" right at his face. He chuckled darkly, an idea sprouting in his feeble, too-much injured mind.

"Nice try, kid." He muttered. "But I kinda admire his courage. I'll help if he needs."

Inside, things weren't going so well.

"COME DOWN THERE AND DUEL WITH ME RIGHT NOW, YOU OLD _BITCH_!" Homura yelled as he waved his fiery sword.

Gasps echoed in the hall. Everyone knew that the worst insult you could throw a god was to call him "bitch".

"NANI!"

The watching (and helpless) gods and goddesses gasped as Kami-sama jumped off from his throne and grabbed Homura's neck. Outside, Nataku's body gave an excited shiver as he watched the old potato wham the younger punk underneath him, the gnarled old hands grasping the smooth and wrinkle-free neck. 

"Ooh, sugoiwa! Sugoiwa! Sugoi!" Nataku breathed in ecstasy as he watched.

"GET OFF ME, YOU OLD PIECE OF STINKING SKIN!"

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU INDOLENT _ITAN_!"

"GET OFF!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

The two gods wrestled with each other, rolling on the floor. It was Kami-sama on top, then Homura, then Kami-sama again, and Homura…(repeat for 100 times or as much as you want)

Kami-sama's bodyguards ran to help their master, only to be blocked by a large foot wearing a leather boot. 

"Don't spoil the fun." Zeon smiled. "It's rare that we have amusements here in this damned Heaven."

"Get out of the way Zeon!" one of the guards screamed boldly.

Zeon answered him with an adamantine fist. The other guard, seeing his comrade being beaten, tried to punch, only to eat Shien's marble fist. Soon, all the guards jumped up, but Shien and Zeon were clearly enjoying themselves.

"How dare you!"

"Shut up, dull-brained acolyte!"

"Nani!"

"I said you were stupid!"

"Kyaa! Take this!"

"Hee hee hee! You missed, stupid arthritic git! Have you got any eyes at all!"

"Agh! He hit me!"

"Why you—!"

"Kiss my ass!"

"Argh!"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kanzeonbosatsu, late as ever for appointments, caught the sound of voices even before she reached the palace's doors. Raising a perfect eyebrow, she made to enter gracefully and stop the fuss, but her poise was ruined when a foot appeared out of nowhere and made her trip, thus smashing her face into the cold, tiled floors.

"I knew it. Over vain as ever. You're so stupid, but how come you're a goddess?" Nataku chuckled mischievously.

Kanzeonbosatsu stood up and regained her posture. She flipped her long hair over her shoulder before giving Nataku what was probably the greatest of the Seven Deadly Sins in his own list: a hard slap in the face.

"YOOHOOHOOHOO! You deserve that, you filthy null-and-void-of-a-life iconoclast !" Kanzeonbosatsu sneered, happy at getting back at the little kid at last. "Take that, you stupid killing robot, and feel the love of it! Ha!"

Nataku clutched his cheek, which was red and painful beneath his hand. His eyes flashed, and before Kanzeonbosatsu knew it, Nataku had blasted her away with an energy ball. The shocked goddess slammed into Konzen Douji and they both landed on the pavement, winded.

Konzen leapt up, utterly insulted. "YOU COCKROACH!"

He jumped at Nataku and imitated Kami-sama by trying to strangle the heretic. The two gods wrestled furiously, Konzen punching everything he could find and Nataku pulling out Konzen's precious hair by the bundles.

The door slammed open and the two wrestling gods entered the scene, not knowing where they were going. They knocked Kenren Taisho over, who was busy drinking his wine while watching Homura and Kami-sama kill off each other. The wine bottle flew away and smashed into the floor, spilling the invaluable liquid. Kenren's ears began to smoke and steam gushed from his nose.

"WHAT THE @#$@@##$! WHO DID THAT!" he screamed.

Seeing the two oblivious gods locked in their own grapple, Kenren rolled his sleeves and slammed his fists on each of their heads.

"YEOW!" wailed Nataku.

"OUCH!" cried Konzen.

Kenren howled like a wild grizzly bear and picked up the two gods by their ears. He threw Konzen and Nataku at the center aisle, where they joined Homura's ring. Kenren jumped out of the crowd, steam gushing unstoppably from his ears and nose, ready to finish off the two stupid deities who wasted his last supply of wine for this year.

"&*&&R$#$#$#@@%^&***! I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!" Kenren roared.

Kami-sama slipped, and without meaning to, kicked Nataku hard in the butt.

The kid fighting-god wheeled around. "WHY YOU STONE CHAIR POTATO!"

Nataku balled his hand into a fist and whacked it into Kami-sama's jaw, sending eight teeth (two incisors, two canines and four molars) flying out of his mouth.

"LET GO OF MY BROTHER!"

Kanzeonbosatsu finally joined the fray by grabbing Nataku's arm and heaving him into the air before slamming him to the floor. The willowy goddess obviously knew the Art of Judo.

While Kami-sama was busy finding his teeth, Homura was kicking the stuffing out of Kenren who accidentally punched him and Shien beating up Konzen without meaning it, Son Goku passed by the opened doors and wondered why gods and goddesses were fleeing from the building hysterically.

"Nani?" Goku wondered innocently as he meant to enter the building.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!"

Goku looked up just in time to see Nataku smash into him. They rolled around into a human ball before finally dislodging from one another. Goku kept blinking as Nataku stood up, the gauze finally removed to reveal a swollen eye underneath.

"Nataku! Nataku, what happened?" Goku asked innocently.

Nataku was trembling from head to foot. He reached up and removed his power control device before kicking off from the ground and soaring back into the building. Goku watched, stupidly, as Konzen burst out from a window, followed by a leather boot. 

"GOKU! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Tenpo Gensui came running, face paper-white. He grabbed Goku by the waist and slung him onto his shoulder before shooting off from the building. 

A loud rumble shook the grounds, and Goku watched in wonder as the roof of Kami-sama's fine palace finally blew up.

"Nanda yo, Ten-chan….?? Nataku looks like he's having fun…..I wanna join…….."

"Goku, I've told you once if I've told you…pant," Tenpo grinned, still hurrying along, " a hundred times….when those supposedly serene gods get into uh……their discussions….we don't, absolutely do not…get involved…pant, pant……"

The large-eyed boy sighed on top of the god's shoulder, being jiggled up and down with the ferocity of Tenpo's fleeting strides, and waved a small goodbye towards the direction of the settling dust…

"Take that! And That! And That! Hahahahahahaha……" Energy balls flew everywhere, carrying with them their master's wild ecstatic murderous anger, ricocheting off any black-blasted marble columns, walls, and heavenly furniture that were still standing. Nataku Taishi was having the time of his life and felt every booming hit fuelling his taut body for the next. The usually uptight, everlastingly poised gods were all scrambling like wild chickens for mad safety, trying to avoid the seemingly god-forsaken attacks of the boy fighting god, whose golden eyes laughed in glee at the sight of the esteemed Kami-sama crawling on the debris-covered floor and cowering beneath an up-turned chest cabinet (which had once, like ten minutes ago, held priceless artifacts given to the Kami-sama from boot-licking gods, and of which these exact said artifacts were currently scattered all over the place, charred beyond recognition).

A strong arm circled around the guffawing god's tight waist, nearly causing him to thrust an elbow into the interferer's ribs and palm-smacking his face. Nataku's hand pulled back, inches from Homura's evidently not amused but evilly enjoying face, which broke into a snarling grin as he hissed, "Think you can hit an ACTUAL mark? Like that quivering-like-pounds-of-unused-fat-flesh that is the Kami-sama's ass sticking out there?" The boy grinned back, "Dunno…why don't you try?" and with that, he tossed a compacted energy ball for Homura to catch before he slipped into the shadowy dust storm, from where curses of pain and pure anger ensued from grumbling deities.

Homura threw the ball up a few times, feeling the weight of it as his grin grew wider bit by bit, until you would think that it'll come right off his face. He leaned forward, then drew back in a pose like a baseball pitcher, and the mass of fire was flicked forward in a hurling rush, that moved in slow motion for Homura as his bi-coloured eyes followed like a child waiting for every little bit of silver wrapper coming off a deliciously tummy-warming chocolate bar, until the mass exploded right on target! The heretic punched an arm into the air, howling with a wolf's cry in victory, "YES! YES! YES! YES!! HAHAHHAHHAH……….YES!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

(the above line is meant to be a high-pitched condescending scream-T and NT…hey, together we make TNT!!…. Nataku is not laughing at Taka's joke……..sigh…..)

Kanzeonbosatsu's fist smashed into a pillar, breaking off chunks of marble and varnish. Her usually regal face was snarled, with curly hair sticking here and there….to a point that we see how Konzen Douji was related to her…..

"YAH! MAH! TAE! THIS! IS! NOT! A! CHICK! KEN! FARM! Pant, pant……..The entire Tenkai army has been demobilized! Some sort of punitive grey tornado has tore through and wrecked every….every! administrative office from here to GOD FORBID WHERE!" she shot a livid look for the obvious culprit but failed to locate him, "The Amaterasu Hall has been quite evidently demolished! You are ALL behaving like youkais and niingyen and I WILL NOT…!!!"

"Have you finished, you prurient smut of a vulgar negligence?!?"

"Ahrrrhhhhgggghhrrrraaaaaaarrrrrhhhhgggh!! You maniacal love dog!!"

"Hora, hora!!!!" Zeon jumped upon the goddess' back while Konzen threw a gold-rimmed goblet at Shien but hit Homura instead, and Kami-sama had somehow found a sword and was brandishing it though he didn't know how as Shien and Kenren bowled into him in a squabble and they all fell into a hair-pulling, body-punching, skin-scratching, teeth-snapping heap………

"Eh……….you are still here?"

Six puffy-lipped, tangled-haired, blood-caked faces turned up to see a non-committal Nataku Taishi innocently sucking on an ice-lolly. Relatively cleaned up, the boy shrugged, "Well….ja….I'm off to find Goku…" and he sauntered off, still fervourously sucking his orange-flavored cold treat, his sandaled feet leaving imprints in the two inched layer thick of dust.

Homura grinned and thrusted a hard fist into someone's stomach, "You bushy eyed mummy-number-two annoyance!!!"

The young oppressed-for-too-long deity paused against the doorframe leading into the overflowing library of Tenpo Gensui, where Goku was plumb in the middle of stacks of books, poutingly sorting through them methodically. As his head slowly lifted from his task, his mouth broke into a smile that would light up the world, tawny eyes shining just with simple delight at seeing his friend. Leaping over books, his arms wrapped around Nataku, engulfing him in a muffled hug. The two friends run off, hand in hand towards the gardens……….Tenpo pocketed his glasses, an elusive smile upon his lips as he noticed the Heavenly sword left behind…….

Taka: This is the longest mega-super Ohaiyo ever! Sugoi, sugoi, sugoi!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Nataku looked over at the insanely cackling Taka, wondering

why he had ever agreed to work with him in the first place should he used a heavenly chant to revert this evidently-gone-demented-from-too-many-exams writer back to his, if there is such a thing, usual self…. 

After thinking about it, Nataku decided to poke Taka with his extremely sharp sword: OI! Have you finished laughing like a lunatic? You are beginning to sound like that partner of yours…. I'm very busy, can I go now?

Without waiting for an answer from Taka, who is currently rubbing his sore back and nodding mutely, he turned on his heels and rambled off, one hand waving off-handedly to the readers while smiling quietly. Taka, having regained some sort of composure, grins: Like fighting god, like writer…..ne, miinasan! Hope you have enjoyed the Ohaiyo…….we'll be glad to hear from readers, please continue to read and review! Ja ne……………………


End file.
